Bereavement

[Trev Williams]

due to two of my friends having close people die suddenly this week.. I thought I'd start a topic on this. loosing someone close to you, can throw up all sorts of mental issues and unresolvavble questions, guilt and anger. I don't think I'm the most knowledgeable about this as a topic, so I don't know if anyone else has any strattigies, or advice for someone going through this? I do know that grief is a very important emotion to deal with correctly, and if not can lead to severe distress (and mental illness).. I guess talk to friends you trust about what you're going through.. let the emotion out if possible.. also if at all possible say goodbye in a way that can have closure.. and also remember the good times about the person who has died.

[pat]

Losing someone close to you leads to very strong emotions and people who are bereaved need all the support that others can give them. Each person feels it in a different way and I think it is important that however they are feeling at that time is totally accepted and validated by others.

Some people cry a lot, and others cannot cry at all - there is no right way to get through it. If the bereaved person wants to talk about the person they have lost, or wants company but not to talk, or wants to go out - then I think they know best what they need.

I think it would help us all to recognise the pain that bereaved people go through, and not to be afraid of reaching out to them. A touch or a kind word can help so much.

There are many other losses which can feel like a bereavement, and people suffering from loss in other areas also need support and recognition. If we understood bereavement better that would help us as a society.

[Erica]

This is such a great topic. I think when people are grieving it’s hard to know what to do or say. I really think both of you are correct. I'm sure a lot of people have heard about the five stages of grief (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance).

Everyone grieves differently. We all have different personality, life experiences, and relationships with who or what we’ve lost. Some days we cry, some days we laugh, and other days we are numb. It’s all normal, and I think it’s important to know that those feelings are ok to have.

I recently lost a loved one (and will share that story soon), and I’m dealing with that loss. I can only speak for myself, but it’s been very good to know I have friends who are here to support me. To listen when I need to vent, or be my shoulder when I’m crying. I’m not looking for someone to give me answers on why my friend died, but just to know that there are people who are supporting me in this time. That is also what I want to be for others when they are grieving.

[pat]

Dear Erica,
I am sorry that you have recently lost a loved one, and are going through this painful time of grieving. I'm sending you a big hug

The stages of grief are so important to know about. I think anger takes people by surprise if they haven't known about it before. And denial can be disconcerting for other people to see. As you say, those feelings are OK to have. They tend to come and go too, rather than being in a neat regular order - you can get stuck in one, or keep returning to another. They're all painful though - maybe even acceptance.

Take care of yourself Erica. from Pat